4 Parenting Styles

Every grandmother and grandfather will tell you hilarious stories of their children when they were first born. And for every funny and touching story they have, they will be able to tell you another for every hardship they encountered. Parenting is something that is done in many different ways by each parent. The following are four general styles employed by parents.

Authority: Authoritarian parents rule on just that: authority. Commands are given to children that they must follow regardless of the circumstances. If these commands are not followed, harsh punishment will ensue. These parents do not welcome feedback from their children. In fact, it is met with severe punishment. The children tend to be quiet and unhappy. They have more of a fear than a love for their parents. Male children have trouble dealing with anger and female children have trouble facing adversity due to their heavily structured life where nothing ever changes.

Indulgent: Indulgent parents tend to be described as lenient. They allow immature and childish behavior. These parents expect the children to learn from their mistakes and to fend for themselves in most times of need. These parents tend to be democratic and allow for feedback from there children on issues. They will hear both sides of an argument and usually make a compromise. Indulgent parents usually avoid confrontation with their children by all means, but do tend to be more involved and emotionally closer to their children.

Authoritative: Authoritative parents are a combination of the two styles previously mentioned. They are the happy medium. While expecting proper behavior from their children, they welcome feedback and questioning on certain issues. They’re able to demand things of their children but are also able to respond to what they’re child says, questions and requests. These children tend to be the happiest, most confident and self assured of all the mentioned parenting styles. It is very difficult to be a purely authoritative parent.

Passive: Passive parenting is being completely uninvolved. These parents may never be home due to immaturity, work or the like. These children are usually raised by grandparents, older siblings, babysitters or themselves. There is no parental involvement at all.

The 4 ‘C’s Of Parenting

If only children came with a handbook of instructions. What they do come with is a script-of-sorts; a blueprint of what they can become.

We are all products of our heredity and environment. Heredity can’t be changed so, as a parent or parent-figure, you can only impact your child’s environment. There is ongoing controversy as to what percent of who we are is determined by our heredity. Some suggest as much as 80%. But even if environment determines only 20% of who we are, that's still a lot.

Parents are critical in shaping their children, because once you have significantly impacted a child’s development, it is difficult, if not almost impossible to change it.

In a play, everyone is given a script that tells the cast members what to say and what to do. That’s what parents do. Consciously or unconsciously, they provide the script for their children. Children are like sponges. When a sponge is new and dry, it soaks up any liquid with which it comes in contact. However, the more liquid it absorbs, the less room there is for more. That’s why early scripting of children is so important. Once habits are established, they are very difficult to change.

The good news is, you don’t have to be correct in your decision making process, every time, so long as you’re concerned. Parents need to have a plan. They need to say -- or more importantly, to do -- what they want young people to emulate. If there is a lot of emotion in the family (screaming and hollering) children will pick that up and do the same thing. Conversely, if communication is measured and thoughtful, children will develop that habit, too.

Most importantly, parents should have a goal in mind for what they want their child to be. We’re not talking about “an athletic hero,” or “a stellar scholar,” or “a great musician.” Rather, a good general model could be the “Four C’s.” That is a caring, confident, considerate and competent person. And for that to happen, parents need to provide an environment where the child will develop that way. Caring and competent parents want their children to be happy and enjoy life.

There’s nothing wrong with being a great athlete or student or whatever, but only if the person has a talent for it. Children should be taught that it’s not necessary to be the best, to be happy and content -- just to be the best one can. Because everyone can do something and no one can do everything, it’s important for parents to help their children find their own unique talents and direct their efforts in that direction.

Effective parenting will not always win popularity contests with children. Short term, they might not like you; but if you really care about them that’s not important. Over the long term, they’ll love and respect you because they will have become caring, confident, considerate and competent and they will know you had a lot to do with it. And then they will like you, too.

Parenting - What To Do?

Parenting is certainly not easy. It is hard work that many people are not prepared for requiring responsibility, commitment, and selflessness. It is probably the most important job on earth and not everyone is qualified.

Parenting involves many different features that work individually and yet also work balanced together to influence a child's personality. It is a constant process of raising someone, educating and influencing them, from birth until they reach adulthood.

There is I think no exact right way or wrong way to raise your children, but one of the most important things you can do is give your children a good example in yourself to follow.

And what about Misbehavior?

Misbehavior is one of the most important signals to you as a parent that your children feel that important needs of theirs are not being taken care of, or met. It is very easy to forget this when a parent is just focusing on correcting behavior problems throughout the day.

Try focusing on other things, such as their brilliance, changing your parenting role from warden to a coach that they respect.

Many parents seem to have two different ways of trying to control a child's misbehavior: They are completely embarrassed when misconduct happens in a public place, but when the same behavior happens at home they seem to just ignore it.

As role models we need to instill a clear set of boundaries and limits that are constant so not to have a hazy set of rules. We also are parents need to write some things down ourselves to remember so we do not forget. Often times parents fly off the handle when a child's misbehavior pushes our buttons.

Is respect really all that important?

Respect is the foundation of parenting. Those parents who early on in their child's life punish acts of disrespect are far more likely to have to deal with things, such as temper tantrums, later in time.

Children learn a lot more from you than you think. They are like tiny recorders recording things you easily forget or don't even think you have said or done. You must be on your toes at all time around your children.

As respect is the foundation of parenting, discipline is the foundation of respect.

Discipline is hard and painful, but children love and respect the parents who apply it correctly. When disciplining a child try to remember not to go overboard. At all times your child should feel respected,safe and cared about when with you.

Qualities your kids will emulate and respect are compassion, confidence, kindness, and independence to name a few. As a parent, always remember to treat your child as you would want to be treated.

Parenting is never an easy job, but you can take a different outlook and see it as an adventure and never a dull moment. You really can enjoy your children and be proud of their accomplishments.

Parenting is not just about children, it's also about parents.

Parenting Help

Raising a child can be a daunting task for first time parents, and they look for reassurance and parenting help a lot of the time. Young mothers often do not know if they are doing the right thing in every little task of baby care. They seek advice and parenting help from more experienced and older relatives and friends. Very often, particularly if the baby is born earlier than expected, the new parents may need some parenting help and guidance to take care of the baby. This is a good time for the new grandmothers to move in for a while and help with care of the new baby. Grandmothers are also often called in to help if there is an older child - a toddler who needs looking after too. They have the experience and skill to bring some order into the chaos at home. It is also a great time for them to bond with their grandchildren. Sometimes a nanny is hired to help for a part of the day, particularly if there is no member of the family at hand.

Parents may need help from persons with more knowledge and experience for many things. Babies and toddlers may have eating and sleeping problems that a young parent may find difficult to handle. Sometimes, when a child is unwell and fretting, the parents may be at a loss as to how to cope. Parents need suggestions on weaning a baby, toilet training, dealing with tantrums, breath holding and many other issues. Many of these can be resolved by reading a good book on childcare.

There are also Internet sites and television programs that offer advice. These are also good support systems for young parents who are finding it difficult to cope with parenting. Help is available on parenting web pages from more experienced mothers, who suggest tips that have worked for them. Parenting help is needed even as a child grows older. There could be behavioral problems or learning disabilities that the parents will have to learn to handle. Adolescence can bring its own share of worry. Parenting help and advice are needed from experts to deal with eating disorders, drugs, or alcohol. Most parents are sincere in their desires to bring their children up well. Unfortunately, sometimes circumstances create problems that they cannot handle. In times like this, parenting help is invaluable.

All About Parenting

Everyone thinks that they have parenting down, until they become one. It is so easy to stand child free in a grocery store and condemn the parents of a screaming toddler. How simple it is to think to yourself that your child would never do such a thing. The truth is, parenting is not that predictable, and the things you swear your children will never do, often come back to haunt you.

Parenting is messy, because life is messy. There is nothing more amusing than watching the havoc a two year old can wreak on an organized parent’s schedule. Good parenting requires the ability to be flexible. Children don’t always do what you expect them to, when you expect them to do it. You never know when you will have to call on plan B because your daughter got the chicken pox or your son fell into a mud puddle on the way to the school bus stop. They key to parenting successfully, is to learn to go with the flow. This doesn’t mean that you can’t give your children a schedule or stick to a bedtime routine, but it does mean being willing to bend rather than break when life throws you a curve. Flexibility in parenting is about learning how to pick your battles and set your priorities straight.

Good parents know that every child is different. It is impossible to expect a child to live up to your time table, yet many parenting articles and websites insist that your baby will walk by a certain age, talk by a certain date, and grow in the same pattern as every other child on earth. While there are guidelines that can help you know what milestones your child should reach by a certain age, never compare your child to the neighbor’s kid. Just because the neighbor boy can count to 60 at age three and your child can count to three doesn’t mean that your child is behind. Some children are just more gifted at certain things and chances are your child is ahead of the neighbor boy in a different developmental trait.

Even in families, no two children are alike. Many parents are surprised to find that their children have such different and diverse interests and personalities, despite being raised in the same family. The basic fact is that every child is different and how you deal with each child even in the same family will often be different as well. Good parenting skills help you to realize that there are no generic answers to parenting questions. While you may find great advice from experts, friends, and family, you need to make that advice your own so that it will work for your individual situation.

Parenting By Example

Both the things you do and the things your children do will affect the kind of adults that they turn out to be. Every negative thing they do now will eventually catch up with them.

For example, as children get older they are pressured to try things like smoking. Children are too short-sighted to see how smoking affects them. Since they can not see their lungs blackening, since they do not presently have shortness of breath or smokers’ cough, they do not acknowledge these negative effects. They fail to see the dangers of smoking because they are only concerned with the present and are not thinking about how their actions will have consequences in the future.

As a parent, it is your job to teach them that each of their actions has consequences. Talk to your children not only about the dangers of smoking, drugs and alcohol, but also about good decision making. Ask them where they are going, with whom and how long they will be gone. Your kids may not appreciate this now, but they will see how your nagging pays off when they are older.

The people your children spend time with can have just as big of an influence on them as how they are spending their time. Falling in with the wrong crowd can lead them to very destructive lives. The pressure to fit in or be included may cause your child to see them as friends, but parents have an unbiased view and are better judges of character.

Another aspect of teaching good decision making is leading by example. If you tell your children it is bad to smoke but smoke yourself, what kind of message are you sending? If you want your children to lead a healthy life, the time to quit is now. Similarly, if you teach your children good eating and exercise habits, they will grow into strong, healthy adults, but you have to hold up your end of the deal, too.

Children, especially very young children, tend to idolize mom and dad. How often have you heard children saying they want to be just like mom or dad when they grow up? Parents need to set good examples because their children tend to follow in their footsteps.

No one is perfect, and parents are no exception. Being a good parent isn’t about being perfect; it’s about living the best life you can not only for your children, but for yourself. Taking care of yourself is important so that you will be around for your children for years to come.

In the same way that smoking can lead to using an oxygen tank in 25 years, giving your children a healthy, loving and stable environment to grow up in can lead to a lifetime of success. Every parent only wants the best for their children, but the best doesn’t come naturally. Parent and child must work to be the best person they can be.

Parenting Vs. Parenting Vs. Parenting

Which generation parented correctly? Mine, my mother's, my daughter's? Perhaps we all did and didn't.

I remember waking up in the morning and rushing through breakfast so I could go outside to play with all the other children in the neighborhood. I don't remember our yards being filled with huge plastic toys in bright, neon primary colors. I do remember bikes and balls and most of us had jump ropes, bats and baseballs. We ran and laughed and played games until we were forced to come in the house for our lunch. We ate our lunch with one purpose…..to get back outside. The afternoon went pretty much the same as it had in the morning. The best part of the day was when we all met up after dinner. The sky would be darkening and we would play hide and seek and make arrangements for sleepovers we would later talk our mothers into with a 50/50 success rate.

I'm not saying things were better then, although each generation looks back at their life experience with melancholy and regret that the newer generations are missing "something". But, I will say, the over weight child in our school was severely out numbered by slim, tanned and athletically enthused children. We were seldom bored and whined to our moms we had "nothing" to do. We KNEW what that would bring us…..a never ending list of chores she could come up with and continue to list until we ran from the house excited to climb a tree alone.

Our parents never repeated themselves. Once given a directive from our parents we would immediately respond. We didn't take out the rubbish or feed the dog with joy in our hearts, but we did it right away. I had a girlfriend who said if she didn't hear what her mother said, and asked her mom to repeat herself she was accused of "talking back". Too strict? Yes, but a good example of the mindset of our parents.

The lines between adults and children were not blurred. The boundaries that provided gave us a certain security. We knew there was right and wrong. We knew the repercussions of wrong. Our parents parented. They knew our adulthood would bring time for friendship with their children.

I was a lazier parent. I yelled a lot. Looking back on my years as a young mom I hear myself yelling all the time. I'm not proud of the things I remember yelling in anger either. I say lazy because, if I had followed through on threats of discipline, my children would have found it easier to know "when I meant business". They never quite knew when I might really react to an infringement, so they often "took a chance". I also would have let a lot more go by without comment. When I did get in "mothering mode" I would look for any little action on their part to correct. I don't remember really having chats with them, something I vowed I would do when I had children. I wasn't as concerned with the amount of TV they watched as I should have been. Luckily, my daughter had no interest in TV, but my son was glued to the set all Saturday long. I wish I had pushed him out the door more often to play. My children had friends over, but not with the ease I did. They were allowed friendship time when it was convenient for me, not on the daily basis I had enjoyed as a child. I wish I could remember holding them more, kissing them and telling them how much I loved them and that they filled my heart with happiness. It was probably hard for them to decipher that from the head hanging out the back door screeching at them.

I watch my children parent and I am so impressed and proud of them. I wish their children played out doors more often and ran around with the abandon of my youth, on the other hand, my grandchildren have parents who play with them, cuddle and verbally express love. They tell their children "why" they need to do a chore….is asking for an explanation "talking back"? I don't think so….at least I don't anymore. Their children know they are the center of their parent's universe, not living on the outskirts of it.

We can't go back. We can't re-do. We can withhold judgment and honestly observe. We can admit to not knowing everything. We can think in wonderment of the day our grandchildren parent and believe it will all be good.